The darkest day of the year

Heavy heart
Tears hidden behind dry eyes
Can I run away and hide?
    run away from my fears,
    run away from my anger,
    run away from myself.

Where can I run to?
If I cross the sea,
    if I soar with the eagle,
    if I bury myself in the depths of despair
    you are there.
Can I run away and hide in your arms of love,
bury my face in your chest - oh Daddy - the dad-embrace I longed for as a child?
And pour out my turmoil to you,
    in the secret place,
    in the quiet place,
    to you who knows the secrets of my heart.
You listen, because you - oh God you are there
    even in the silent, dry tears in the middle of the night

    God with us. 

    God with me.
    God for me.

Even though I walk through the swamp of despair and wallow in sadness
Yet I will go up to the House of God
where my brothers celebrate.
To kick my soul in the seat of its pants to lift itself up,
To remind myself that there is joy in the morning.

There is forgiveness:
    That is why Jesus came to earth - as a baby, then crucified as a man
    that there may be forgiveness on the earth
    that there may be joy in the morning
    that I need not wallow in self-pity any longer
    that I may forgive myself,
    that I may live again in harmony with myself
    that God may forgive me
    that I may live again in harmony with God.

Blessed be the Lord - I tell my heavy heart.
For here - between the arms outstretched across the expanse of the cross - is love, vast as the ocean.
Without this Jesus I am lost.
But with this Jesus - with this loving God -
    there is hope,
    there is forgiveness,
    there is - at last - peace for my heavy heart.

(Sunday, 21 December 2014)