The darkest day of the year

Heavy heart
Tears hidden behind dry eyes
Can I run away and hide?
    run away from my fears,
    run away from my anger,
    run away from myself.

Where can I run to?
If I cross the sea,
    if I soar with the eagle,
    if I bury myself in the depths of despair
    you are there.
Can I run away and hide in your arms of love,
bury my face in your chest - oh Daddy - the dad-embrace I longed for as a child?
And pour out my turmoil to you,
    in the secret place,
    in the quiet place,
    to you who knows the secrets of my heart.
You listen, because you - oh God you are there
    even in the silent, dry tears in the middle of the night

    God with us. 

    God with me.
    God for me.

Even though I walk through the swamp of despair and wallow in sadness
Yet I will go up to the House of God
where my brothers celebrate.
To kick my soul in the seat of its pants to lift itself up,
To remind myself that there is joy in the morning.

There is forgiveness:
    That is why Jesus came to earth - as a baby, then crucified as a man
    that there may be forgiveness on the earth
    that there may be joy in the morning
    that I need not wallow in self-pity any longer
    that I may forgive myself,
    that I may live again in harmony with myself
    that God may forgive me
    that I may live again in harmony with God.

Blessed be the Lord - I tell my heavy heart.
For here - between the arms outstretched across the expanse of the cross - is love, vast as the ocean.
Without this Jesus I am lost.
But with this Jesus - with this loving God -
    there is hope,
    there is forgiveness,
    there is - at last - peace for my heavy heart.

(Sunday, 21 December 2014)    

Scaffolding around the cake

It's become a bit of a tradition - many years ago, I built some Lego "scaffolding" around my son's birthday cake. This year, he wanted the same thing.

I wasn't content to just have scaffolding, so I built the scaffolding under construction, and their truck as well, complete with boxes for putting their various connectors and bits in. Being a tidy bunch of workers, of course they have a dustbin and some traffic cones.

They also had a go at installing some candles. Unfortunately, when I arrived to take photos, they were on their tea break.

Morning

A thousand and one tons, metal wheels squeaking on metal rails bending under the weight - freight from the world to the people, people visiting people, tank trains full of fluid cement or oil. The points change, another steel snake slithers slowly over the junction to a destination unknown. The boy in the window watches, wondering, enraptured by the sound, the sight, the smell. Bright colours smeared in the grime of the city. The burning odour of brakes, the morning odour of sweaty gents packed tight into a commuter train, occasionally punctured by strong perfume. Busy people busily reading, tapping their work into their phones so early in the day - and I am one of them but chanced to look up, look out, at the fascinating world around me, and watched like the boy in the window.

21 October 2014 - on the morning commute